Last night, I couldn’t sleep. Something in my life was missing, there was a void that needed to be filled, and I had NO IDEA where to find it. While I lay awake in bed, I thought to myself: “Where can I find a hard-hitting story that combines my love for the NBA, baked goods, and all-around good will?”
I knew there was only one hope; a brave vigilante who tweeted in the night (and in the day), making sure no story, no matter how small, insignificant, or baked (see what I did there?), would go unnoticed. Is your stadium half full? He will find you. Is a random State Fair frying a food that has never been fried before? He will find you. Does the mouthwash at your hotel look eerily similar to the body wash, so much so that someone could confuse the two and accidentally gargle the wrong one? He will find you. He is brave, unfiltered, and resilient. He is known around the world as many things, but here, we will refer to him by one name: Darren.
And with that, I present to you, the First Edition of Darren Rovell Tweet Breakdown (which is about cupcakes. I told you that, right?).
It starts innocently enough. LeBron James has sent cupcakes to his neighbors to apologize for the recent traffic in their neighborhood. Everyone has forgotten about how they hate LeBron, and now they love LeBron. This all makes sense to me.
Did he make these out to “friend”? HOW COOL would it be to be LeBron’s friend? Well, these neighbors are about to find out (hint: he sends cupcakes)! I’m going to ignore that he only made this out to “friend” (singular) and that there is a slight possibility that more than one person lives in each household. Surely LeBron is not inferring that only one member of each domicile can be his friend, right? Each family should most likely fight to the death, just to be sure.
That’s so clever, because LeBron IS just a kid from Akron! You go, LeBron! Sure, this cupcake could just be a strawberry cupcake that Darren stuck a striped cigarette into when he was playing “What would be awesome for LeBron to send me if I was his neighbor”, but this is also the kind of hard-hitting sports business news we’ve come to expect from Darren. Please tell us more!
Who doesn’t love chocolate? Personally, I would have called these “Homecourt Chocolate Dunk” (because LeBron plays basketball, get it?), but who am I to question to cupcake-naming genius that coined the “Just A Kid From Akron Cherry Cola” cupcake? Anyway, enough about how I feel about the cupcakes. Darren, of course, is a man of the people, and this riveting story that is packed with sports business implications sure to rock the Twitterverse. Highlights, you say? Oh, we’ve got those!
That’s a personal question, Ricky.
Good question. Darren?
But you can’t turn away, can you?